I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize