I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
