Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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