rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
