I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
