If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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