I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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