Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
