you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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