saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
