They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
