I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize