i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
