ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think people are normalizing furries
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
