i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Help. Why am I so naked?
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