If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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