This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
