Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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