I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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