i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is my gift to your gina
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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