I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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