My friends, they love my intelligence
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
