Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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