I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
