I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
