oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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