I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
