I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry about my life...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
