nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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