i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
