I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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