i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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