Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
