fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
