My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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