do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
