yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
