Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His nipple licking is glorious
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