if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
