Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
