I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
