So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
