I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
