everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
