You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
