1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
