Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
