what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
