omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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