don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she peed on how many people?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
