i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
