the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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