This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry about my life...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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