shes about as inviting as chlamydia
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
