best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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