I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
