I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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