Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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