Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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