Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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