Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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