I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
