Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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