the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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