I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
