I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I believe in your delicious
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize