I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
