i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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