God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
