Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
