So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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