I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
