Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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