last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We are two peas in an std pod
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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