Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
